| One Two Three Four |
[25 Sep 2007|07:33am] |
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Well, I started my new job a coupla weeks ago; serving at the Grizzly Peak. Actually it has turned out to be a lot of fun... I like serving at a more upscalish restaraunt, but I love serving high quality beer. During the training process we got to spend a couple of hours with the head brewmaster, sampling the different malts and hops. It really broadened my appreciation for the craft, and I think that shows through to my customers.
(Plus, the tips seem consistently higher, so I don't complain.)
The choir is off to a pretty good start as well. The adult choir, despite a lack of male voices, is coming along well. The youth choir, however, has doubled in size and I find myself finding new ways to accommodate a broader age range. But I'm getting the kids to harmonize, and we have fun doing it, so I couldn't really ask for more.
Jake and I have been living at the house now for over a month, and things have really come together as far as the amenities are concerned. Living without a stove really can be more of a pain than you'd think... but we're now all set on appliances. Unfortunately, due to some unforeseen circumstances, Jake has to decide between breaking a promise with his brother, or asking me to move out.
Needless to say, I'm stressed. Despite the new job, I'm not quite at that point where I'm oozing money, and potentially having to find a new place to stay is an investment of time (the other commodity I'm short of right now).
Ugh, well I'm going to lay down and see if I can't shake this headache/sore throat combo.
Sweetheart, bitter heart
Now I can't tell you apart
Cozy and cold
Put the horse before the cart
Oh, oh, oh
You're changing your heart
Oh, oh, oh
You know who you are
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| On Golf and Mediocrity |
[08 Apr 2007|11:39pm] |
Eastertimes are over. I had a nice day with Dad, Lori, and Katie and Steven. I had a very nice time actually. We took it easy after church and just had a nice afternoon and had some dinner together. I miss being around them. Katie is already 5'3" and she just turned 12. Steve is also getting pretty big, and both of them are developing a great sense of humor. i.e. They are well aware of, and can quote lines from Charlie the Unicorn. Hearing your little sister say "Magic Leopluradon" is always worthwhile.
After we spent some time at Mema's house (Lori's mom) we went to the house and Dad had fun watching pro golfers screw up on TV. I'm not the worlds biggest golf fan, but it hit me today how much golf is like playing music. I mean, these guys use a stick to hit a 2" ball hundreds of yards while aiming at a target only a couple yards large at best. Golf is terribly frustrating, you spend years perfecting your swing, and then that's only after you get in control of the mental game. It's zen, almost. You need to relax and stop thinking about the swing itself. If you focus on all the minute motions your body makes to complete that perfect swing, you will invariably fail. You practice and get the motions down, but when it comes time to connect you just let go and release it.
I've been thinking a lot about my musical career. I (naively? incorrectly?) believe that I have a lot of natural talent. I see what I accomplish with the perfunctory effort that I invest and I can't help but wonder what I could do if I applied myself fully to my art. I love playing. I love singing sweet sounds through my horn. I love commanding a room with my tone. I love pouring myself into a musical line. I'm working on a piece right now which has a movement that is absolutely sublime. So sweet and so moving... so beautiful...
But even then, my work is subpar. It hardly even qualifies as work, really. The time I spend on my horn is hardly enough to get by in my studies, and I frustrate myself, my teachers, and people around me. Why? Why don't I get up and become something? It's right there, all I have to do is stand up and reach for it...
I'm cormfortable laying here, and I think that's really it. I'm huddled up under warm and fuzzy blankets that are my situation, my job, and my progress. It's nowhere near the perfect setup, but it's enough to be content. The worst part of my lethargy is that I've been here before. I've wanted to step it up plenty of times before... I just don't.
I don't know how to persuade myself to practice 2 hours a day. Hell, 2 hours isn't even that much. I'm SUPPOSED to be practicing 2 hours a day as an EDUCATION major, if I were performance, they expect 4 hours a day. I don't think I've ever practiced 2hours daily for more than 2 consecutive days. What if I did? Where would I be? Am I not capable of practicing that much? Is such diligence impossible for me to achieve the way I am? Is 30hours a week and full-time studentship on top of that is too much to expect to be able to donate another 14 hours of practice? Are these hopes entirely unreal, or am I just too lazy, as I fear?
I'm going to bed. I'm setting my alarm for 6. I'm going to go practice at 7. I will practice everything I need to for this week, and woodshed all the licks that I can't blow my way through. I'm tired of shitty lessons where I spend an hour showing off how little I actually give to this horn. I'm tired of flubbing lines in Winds; even if nothing is said directly, we're playing with the official Bugler of the U.S.A. this weekend, missing lines is unnacceptable. I'm tired of just getting by.
I'm tired of just getting by, and I'm tired of making this promise only to break it again.
Please wish me luck, I'm giving up mediocrity cold turkey, let's hope the withdrawal doesn't pull me back in... again.
Goodnight.
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| Bored. |
[30 Mar 2007|11:27pm] |
K. I've got nothing to do this evening, so I managed to get bored enough to watch TV, and now I'm bored enough to...
MAKE A MIX TAPE WITH MY USERNAME
Song from an American Movie by Everclear
It's Almost Like Being in Love by Nat King Cole
Dream Lover by Bobby Darin
Irish Tune from County Derry by Percy Grainger
Average Man by Reel Big Fish
Sway by Michael Buble
Unemployed Boyfriend by Everclear
Seven Years by Norah Jones
Hey, this sounds like good listening... mayhaps I shall burn a copy...
Bored again.
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| ...and so it goes... |
[14 Feb 2007|09:31pm] |
Hey, a quickie here. Things are going well. As a matter of fact, much better than I imagined. I'll post more when I have more time.
Happy Valentine's Day.
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[01 Jan 2007|11:08pm] |
Goodnight, my angel
Time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away
2007 seems to have started without me.
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| Have a Little Faith in Me |
[21 Dec 2006|05:44am] |
She's a wonderful person, and I want to do things right. Not to say it isn't scary, it scares the shit out of me...
but I've got faith in her.
Goodnight.
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| Here We Go |
[12 Dec 2006|04:12pm] |
Here it is, first public entry in a little while. Sorry to those folks who don't have one of these drama factories, I know you can't see what I write when I do friends only, so hopefully I'll lay off that.
This is an intense week for me. I have several little papers to write, a medium one to churn out, a couple long ones to revise, and a jury to prepare, all in the next 48 hours.
Today, I'm in a bit of a funk, prolly the side effect of having such a staggering amount to deal with. I'm quasi warming up whilst I write this, buzzing and breathing and getting myself into the Euph zone. After a coupla good hours this afternoon, I'll be ready to play this piece in front of the studio, and I'll be even more solid for the lesson tomorrow, and good to go for my Jury on Thursday.
Another part of it, is wanting to be in a relationship. I love relationships, and I love having someone. I think that what happened between Nicole and I needed to, but having that taste for someone who at least cares about you is still fresh on my tongue, and I want more. However, as much as I wouldn't mind moving forward into something new, that could easily lead to disaster for obvious reasons. Even worse, if it were something that didn't last too long, I could not only potentially hurt myself, but I could hurt the other person needlessly. Just gotta be patient.
For those who don't know, things didn't work between Nicole and I because we wanted different levels of commitment from each other. It was a very nice end, and there's no bad blood between us. I hope she finds what she's looking for, and if I'm patient, I'm sure I will too.
Well, nose to the grindstone time. I'll be going crazy somewhere for a while, so if you want to get ahold of me, be patient, I might not be in a talking mood.
Good luck to everyone as their semesters finish up.
You've gotta hope that there's someone for you
As strange as you are
Who can cope with the things that you do
Without trying too hard
Because you can bend the truth
Until it's soothing you
These things that you're wrapping all around you
You never know what they will amount to
And your life is just going on without you
It's the end of the things you know
Here we go
You've gotta know that there's more to this world
Than what you have seen
Because we all have a limited view of what we can be
p.s. Thanks to Natalie, I found this song in an away message, and it's pretty sweet.
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| - |
[16 Nov 2006|08:59am] |
RIP Linus
The world will never witness a cuter poop factory than you.
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| Wait, What's the sense in life? |
[15 Oct 2006|01:53am] |
Well, things have been going pretty well for me. The horn is working out pretty well, work is still good mostly, and classes are moving forward acceptably. My daily regiment is not so regimented, and I need to get back on the proper schedule, but I'm not worried as much as I was; I've made the decision to get it where it needs to be. I'm still poor... terribly so... but I'll either a) starve or b) get past it. In either case, I won't have to deal with it.
In sad news, Linus has a humongous lump on his chest. I first noticed it a month ago, and it has been growing steadily. I don't imagine he'll be with me too much longer, but he has had a long life (hamster-wise) despite being under my care.
I play euphonium.
Other than that, not much to report on, except for me to say that it's always refreshing to meet someone who is different than your expectations.
'Nuff said.
I need sleep like whoa.
Goodnight,
Dave
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[08 Oct 2006|10:37am] |
A good weekend. Lots of marching band, lots of work, lots of fun. Time for the sleeps, however... I need to get back in the schedule. Want to type more, but I could write on into the morning, so I best just sleep and save my words for a more opportune time.
A good weekend.
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| I'm your Vehicle |
[28 Sep 2006|11:39pm] |
I was supposed to write a coupla months ago. It didn't really happen, I guess...
I've been awfully busy, actually. School has started, and I'm going full steam into the semester. I'm still clearing away those crufty gen-eds, and will be finishing up with educations classes here in the next 2-3 semesters, so I'll be out only a year behind. It's not great, but not terribly bad: I did switch my major instrument entirely.
Speaking of which, the Euphonium is the coolest instrument ever. I'm playing upwards 30 hours a week, and I'm actually using a daily regiment paired with time management and organization to help me develop in such a way to maximize my potential. Getting better is almost addicting... it doesn't happen in leaps and bounds, but I can feel it slightly each week, and it only makes me want to strive harder. I can't let up, because letting up is letting myself down, and I've been letting myself down for years now. It's time to stop. It's time to lay off the cruise control and do something worthwhile. I really have an incredible opportunity, I'm taking lessons from one of the best Euphonium players in the entire nation. He sat first chair in the country's top band for four years, and to have such a renowned player teaching at the school I was attending when I decided to switch horns is nothing short of fantastical luck. I've been given everything I need to excel. It's all about execution now.
Gorski and I have been working together a lot, we've formed two brass ensembles which rehearse weekly, one of which is already a joy to be in. Tomorrow the quintet rehearses, and I can only hope that the group grooves as well as our Tuba-Euph quartet. We do hope to take the quartet into competition if we continue to have such fun at making music.
The only real negative in my life right now is money. Marching band is a huge investment of time, and while I enjoy it, I'm having a hard time making ends meet. Add in the number of fees, books, and other such school-related things and it makes for one broke-ass Dave Welling. After I get a chance to speak to a councilor about exactly how I should be wrapping up my lessons, I'll apply for some financial aid, and that should help, but the belt is tight for right now.
Nothing new on the relationship front, which is a two-way sword. It'd be awfully nice to have someone, but it's good that I'm able to be so focused while I'm trying out some different things as far as self-discipline goes. All tolled, I'm not looking for anything, but I'm not not looking for anything either, and I'm fine with where I'm at.
Other things worth noting includes me taking on Jazz Piano at EMU. I'm no good, but we're working on it, and having a great time in the process. I'm also in a chorus that's directed by my dear friend Kim G-nagey. There's a possible conflict in dates, but I genuinely hope I can perform with that group.
I have more to write, but it's late. I need to be up at 6 to start practicing, and I have a full day ahead of me.
I don't know when I'll post next, but hopefully it should be soon.
Have a Good Night.
Dave
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| Don't Get Lost in Heaven |
[25 Jul 2006|01:18am] |
Stuff. I have shit to write.... stuff I want to talk about...
but there's no words.
Chugging along. Treading Water.
Goodnight... mayhaps I'll get the spark to write in the next day or so...
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[10 Jul 2006|07:00pm] |
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Well, I'm not fired. I did pull a three day suspension, and I desperately need to be working, but it could be far worse... so I am happy with the outcome.
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| This Air Conditioned Nightmare |
[10 Jul 2006|07:08am] |
Ugh,this has been one of the longest and crappiest nights of sleep I've had.
Yesterday, for no good reason whatsoever, I just plain forgot about an important meeting at work.
I've been so worried about marching band and my financial standing with EMU over the past few weeks. I hadn't been working as hard for the band as I have in years past, and I was worried that I was letting the band down, and as far as finances go... I wasn't sure if I'd be able to afford school this upcoming semester. On Saturday, however, we had precamp for the band and I couldn't ask for a better section; fun, competent players with good attitudes. To add to my stress relief, I sat down and stopped avoiding my EMU bill, which turned out to be far more manageable than I had feared. These things had me feeling great on Saturday night, and I thought I had really hit smooth sailing. I figured that the next day was Sunday, and I had the morning off to do things like clean my room. Imagine my surprise when I go in to work for a 5pm shift only to find that my job is on the line because I can't stop to remember what day it is. I was supposed to speak to the general manager this morning, but they're pretty entrenched with getting ready for the day, so now I have to wait until after the lunch rush to go in and see whether or not I'm getting terminated.
I'm pretty upset about the whole thing, actually... I like my job and I love my coworkers, but things aren't looking to good right now. The real kick in the pants isn't that I might get fired because I do a poor job, or because I don't genuinely care, but because I'm just plain dumb.
Ugh, I hardly slept, and now I just have to wait some more... this is torture.
I'm going to try to lay back down, wake me when this is over.
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| Blinded by the Light |
[11 Jun 2006|06:35pm] |
Well, we've successfully survived the first week of our trip to Greenland. There's an awful lot of stories and explanations I'd love to drag you into, but my time is short, so I'll just post a quickie. The whole event is going swimmingly. Our job here, in finer detail, is to visit two sites on the ice cap and remove some scientific equipment because the project they served is now complete. From each site we are to un-bury three boxes of varying size in different holes, and dissemble a small-ish tower complete with solar panel and wind generator. The first site was complete in 48 hours... which is pretty amazing from what Dan and the camp folks tell me. This current site is almost done, then we wait until the next flight out to the coast to head home.
I'm doing quite well. When you're on the ice cap I can hardly describe how beautiful it is. I'm enjoying my time here, as can be witnessed in this shot of me...
http://www-personal.umich.edu/~dwelling/greenland/00042.jpg
Oh, and here's one of me actually doing work, in case you weren't inclined to believe it...
http://www-personal.umich.edu/~dwelling/greenland/100_0595.jpg
Well, I better go grab some grub and see what needs to be done this evening. (Our schedule is really flexible, especially when you consider that the sun doesn't set here.)
I hope life is good for all y'all, and I'll be pestering you again soon enough to be sure.
Dave
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| Retrovertigo |
[03 Jun 2006|06:55pm] |
Phew... It's been a while.
Well, I'm leaving for Greenland tomorrow. I'm pretty excited about the trip, although Dan seems to not be so thrilled. I guess it's all understandable: we dig holes and live uncomfortably for a coupla weeks. This also is his 8th trip, so I can definitely see where the trip has lost it's luster. I'm looking forward to disconnecting from life for a little bit. I don't lead a stressful life, but even then it's nice to change things up every now and again.
The crux of the trip, for those of you whom I didn't already bore with information, is to retrieve and maintain 2 magnetometers that are situated on the Greenlandic Ice Cap. 82% of the island is covered by this ice sheet. As more and more precipitation stacks more snow and ice atop the cap, the pressure from the ice (which is thousands of yards thick) forces glaciers out at the coastal regions. The precipitation is what buries the equipment so the whole event is going to be digtastic. While in Greenland, the team will be staying either at an old military base on the coast (fair conditions, 40-60 degrees) or at two camps out in the middle of the icy desert. Here's one of the camps we'll be at. http://www.summitcamp.org/
From what I understand, I may get some internet while I'm out there, so I may keep things posted.
Other things that blow my mind a little. I was perusing some tasty internets today and stumbled accross this clip:
http://www.archive.org/download/BrainTenYrs/BrainTenYrs.mov
I don't know about the whole senility idea, but it is certainly very interesting how his speaking skills are indeed different. Please don't assume that I think Bush is a great/godawful president. To be honest, I don't have a ton of faith in the system, so my views on politics are cynical and apathetic, to say the least.
Speaking of things I'm cynical about... Ever have your Windows computer get a virus, or clogged with ads and spyware? Don't you think that Microsoft should really get on the ball with fixing such problems that don't seem to affect Linux of MacOS X? Well, the fine folks at Microsoft have finally decided to fix said problems! That's right, with Microsoft OneCare, they will make sure to remedy their mistakes! The best part, it only costs $50 a year!
Holy shit I wish this were a joke. http://it.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=06/06/01/0238214
You can follow the links there to check it out further, or read the prattle that geeks rant in the comments there, but long story short, Microsoft acknowledges that Windows isn't complete on it's own. It will be compromised by viruses or other malware unless the user spends extra money for the appropriate security tools. That's why they're going to sell this service. They will be making money off of how bad their product is. The really scary part about OneCare is that now Microsoft has less motivation to truly fix these security flaws. The new version of windows will be out in less than a year, do you think Microsoft would announce OneCare and it's support for future Windows Versions unless they knew they were getting ready to release another piece of crap? I don't hate Windows because I think Bill Gates is the antichrist, and I don't hate windows because it is run on the staggering majority of home computers, I hate windows because it is a terrible product. If you compare Windows to alternatives, it is depressing the amount of problems it has. Given Microsoft's incredible resources, they should be able to show us a product that isn't so flawed. Instead, they sell us a piece of shit, then sell us the service to make the shit do what it's supposed to in the first place.
I like computers, but I'm damn glad that I didn't make that my field of work. Stuff like this depresses me, because people don't know any better. They'll get OneCare and think, "Oooh, spyware protection, anti-virus, and security enhancements all for only $50? Wow! I'm a consumer whore!"
Phew, that was a bit of a rant, and I apologize. I needs to finishes the packing now. I hope you all have a great coupla weeks, and I'll be seeing you all soon enough.
-Dave
(p.s. I shaved my Goatee, because Dan and I are having a beard-off while we're in the land of ice and snow. Be sure to root for me!)
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| Philosophy |
[07 May 2006|02:01am] |
I always sit down with every intent of churning out a three-page journal entry like everyone else does, but I always get a paragraph or so into it before I lose momentum. Today was a pretty intense day, but when I sit down to write about it, I realize that most of the things that I want to write about are just feelings I had throughout the day. Songs that elicited different emotions and felt just right to me earlier don't exactly fit the bill like they did 12 hours ago...
So, I am stuck without words, aching for sleep and for more music to take me home. I'll say the things I'd have said in longer paragraphs in more concise lines.
Have a great time in Italy, Jenny.
Good luck, Jessica.
Job well done, Sarah.
Have a good night, Erin.
Never-ending Dave.
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| Learning How to Smile |
[05 Apr 2006|01:02am] |
Five miles outside of vegas when we broke down
Threw my keys inside the window and we never looked back
Got all drunk and sloppy on a greyhound bus
We passed out, all them losers they were laughing at us
I will never let them break your heart
No I will never let them break me
We got lost in phoenix, seemed like such a long time
Seven months of livin’ swimming on those thin white lines
Did some time for sellin’ acid to the wrong guy
Life just keeps on gettin’ smaller and we never ask why
Why there is no perfect place, yes I know this is true
I’m just learning how to smile
That’s not easy to do
I know there will come a day
When we can leave and just go runnin’ away
We was broke outside of philly when the storms came
I was working in new jersey, hitchin’ rides in the rain
You was happy talkin’ dirty at that phone sex place
Life just keeps on gettin’ weirder for us every day
You say there is no perfect place, I say I know this is true
We are just learning how to smile
That’s not easy to do
We both live for the day
When we can run away
Oh baby we can leave and run away
Yes we can leave this place and run away
We can leave it all behind like we do every time
Yes we both live for the day
When we can leave and just go runnin’ away
No I will never let it break your heart
No I will never let it break me
Five miles outside of vegas, five years down the line
We got married in the desert and the sunshine
I can’t handle how the hell it happens every day
When you smile and touch my face
You make it all just go away
Yes I know there ain’t no finish line, I know this never ends
But I’m just learning how to fall, climb back up again
I know there is nothing perfect, I know there is nothing new
We are just learning how to live together, me and you
You know I live for the day
When you say ’baby let’s just run away’
Oh baby we can leave and run away
Yes we can leave this place and run away
Baby we can leave and run away
We can leave this place and run away
Damn fine song.
As for me, I have not been updating nearly enough. So much is going on, I feel like I need to try to catch everone up... I'm working crazy hours, triple what I was seeing last semester. Euphonium Recital is over, and now I'm going back to the basics as far as day-to-day practice goes. I finished my server training at work, and am making good monies there. I also applied to be a trainer. Sentence fragment.
The weather is making me very pensive. Something in the air reminds me so much of last year, which wasn't very long ago at all. I always find it interesting how certain things can so easily trigger a horde of memories and feelings. There's a song I used to listen to all the time back in the summer of 2003: Wonderful by Everclear. Now when I hear it, I get flooded with this image: I'm in my car, just having finished a shift at Triple "L," heading back to Mom's house (where I was staying at the time). I see myself driving through the intersection of Secor and Samaria as the song starts. If I let go, I can feel the emotions I had back then too, like a distant aftertaste.
Ugh, I need to go to bed and quit the ramblins.
Goodnight, friends. I hope life is finding you all well.
Me.
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| The Female of the Species |
[20 Mar 2006|01:18am] |
Well, I'm winding down and getting ready for a short night's sleep for yet another long week. In a nutshell, I'll be doing literally nothing but school, work, and practice, with the exception of Wednesday and Thursday, when I'll be on tour. Anytime I can find will be devoted towards final preparations for this Saturday's recital, to which you are cordially invited, if you read this. It's at 12 noon in the Alexander Recital Hall, and is a joint performance by myself and Ms. Lilliefors, also featuring the musical stylings of our tuba quartet.
Other than hecticity, there's not much going on. I wager that I'd be a lot more lonely, if I only had the time for it... I don't suppose that's a terrible situation to be in, and that's prolly how a lot of people deal with it. In any case, that's not the way I intend to deal with it, so I'm always looking for takers.
We had our collage concert today. It went well, but from a personal standpoint I played terribly. I don't think I've felt worse about a performance. How embarrasing for a guy that earnestly wants to be good. Blech.
Well, off to bed for me. I'll get a rich 5-hour sleep here, then up early for some practicing goodness.
See you in the A.M.
Dave
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sidiasus's journal
